Can't sleep. Super late. Too many thoughts running crazy in my head and a To Do list that should be getting shorter, but somehow isn't and remains incredibly daunting.
First, the obvious. Owen had a birthday. His very first one. We have managed to keep a baby alive for a whole year and not just that, he's healthy and really god damn happy and the both of us are also still alive, healthy and happy as well. Who would have thought? Not to mention that his birthday party was fantastic and I'm so thrilled and overwhelmed by family and friends. Seriously, so thankful.
photo by Casey Sachen, http://bluesmokephotography.com/
I suspected that I would have taken this post all sappy and gushing over key moments of O's first year, pulling up favorite photos and stuff like that, and who knows? By the end I could take that route, but for now, no. For now, I'll just leave it at the simple fact that never before in my life have I loved the way I have in this past year. I could have never imagined anything close to these feelings. I never knew. I never thought anything like this was possible. I love this baby. It is completely indescribable. There is nothing like it. And more and more. It's the most significant snowball that has ever existed.
Not just Owen. Obviously, like they all say, having a kid is life changing. I never knew exactly how much so. Like, my whole life. The way I see things, feel about things, about people, about situations and circumstances. Everything has changed and it's so much better than before. Things are worth it. Other things just aren't. It seems like now there is a very clear line. You are or you aren't. Is you is or is you isn't? Certain battles are worth it, others aren't and there isn't any doubt about what goes into either of those. I like my handle on things. I like the way I spend my time. I like what my life is. I like what we're building for O. I like what his childhood is and I'm pretty sure he's going to look back fondly on it. At least that's what all parents aim for, right?
I don't know. This shit's crazy, y'all. It all makes sense, though.
Let's move onto some real life updates though. This could go on and on and on if I let myself.
Owen is a year. He can walk. He can take steps on his own. He can stand on his own, he just chooses not to do these things regularly because his gorilla silver back 3 legged kneel crawl run is much more efficient. He eats everything, with the exception of avocado and mushrooms. Huh. Wonder where that comes from? Also wonder where his extreme love of cheese comes from? Have I mentioned that he's into pickled herring and onions, too? Yeah. Weirdo. He says stuff. He's got a bunch of words and a new kind of baby babble that has all kinds of wacky sounds and syllables. I'm going to be super sad when he doesn't babble anymore. I could seriously listen to it nonstop and it would never ever get old. He's so fucking pro at mimicking. It's alarming. It just comes out. He doesn't realize he's saying a word, and won't say it again, but he has thrown some shit out immediately after Filip or myself saying so and we've both been like, "What the?!" I was rambling about something a couple weeks ago and said something to the effect of "That shit is crazy." And instantly O blurts, "Crazy!" Filip and I were both shocked and freaking out like, "He just seriously said crazy, right?!"
So, that's fun. As soon as I get through this project with work where I'm listening to hours upon hours of incredibly disturbing ghetto phone calls, I'm going to start monitoring my use of swear words. Honestly, I can't do anything about it until then. After I put work away for the day I cannot get out of speaking much like everything I just heard. Really incredible how language seeps in after prolonged exposure without you realizing it.
Most importantly, Owen has become huggy. Like, he reaches for me and actually gives big hugs. His little tiny baby man arms cling and grasp and he clenches and wraps his arms around my neck. He holds so tight and he means it. God, it's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, but thinking about him growing out of this phase is the most heart wrenching thing! Ah. What it is, yo. What it is.
So, right. Busy as hell. So much work has come in lately and it's awesome. I love this busy-ness, but I need a second to catch my breath. I feel like so much has just happened and I can't get caught up. A few things have managed to get checked off the list but not quite enough to not feel so nervous. Tomorrow, check list, you're going down, going down like a monkey.
As soon as I get that to do list minimized, I have so much etsy to catch up on and I can't wait! I have a few doosies thrifted that I'm excited to list, but I just want to get back to it! It's been awesome and I have to say that I absolutely LOVE etsy. Everything about it. Totally rules. I'm feeling good about it, still and rather successful, you know, on the small scale that I'm operating. Soon to be larger. I'm going to get back to forcing time for it. So much has happened over the past month that it's taken the back burner, but now, holidays are upon us, it's going down, going down like a monkey. Expect a ton of annoying facebook updates and crap like that soon.
I'm so tired, I have no idea why Phil Collins is stuck in my head. There were many other important and meaningful things I thought I could blog about while I was laying restlessly in bed and now that I'm here I can only think of Phil Collins. Damn you, brain. It never turns off when I need it to and I'm constantly tormented with crap like this.
