272 days. We are all mourning.

Sometimes I wonder when the hell I'm going to get a good break. I mean, I got it good considering. Things could be so much worse for me, but time after time, it's like, well, oh god, this is really happening? Don't get me wrong, I've had some amazing days that I'd never trade for anything in the world ever, but god damn it. Please. Just please.

On Saturday morning Totti was no where to be seen in the apartment. She didn't come running when it was time to go outside. There was not a puddle of pee for me to cuss her out about. I instantly knew something was wrong. I went searching. I put up signs. I talked to all the neighbors. I sent out many many s.o.s. messages. Craigslist, Everyblock. Called Animal Care and Control. Registered her on every missing dog website. I walked for hours and hours and my little girl was still not home.

I took Totti in when she was approximately 7 or 8 years old. We don't really know, but that was the estimate. She came from an abused home. She wore a shock collar suited for a large breed dog when I first met her. For weeks, the imprint of the collar remained in her fur. She was kicked and beaten by unruly toddlers. Carried around by her neck. Never fed dog food her entire life, she only had scraps and would get fast food as meals. She clung to Jonah instantly. The adjustment was tough, but she actually turned into a real dog after some time. Jonah made her feel young again. She acted like a puppy. She was happy. She lost so much weight and was healthy and such an awesome, albiet weird, chihuahua.

She was almost 13 ish. She had hurt her foot a few weeks ago and had a slight limp. I was a frantic mess all weekend. Like, really. Both of my dogs are tattooed prominently on my forearms. These dogs are my world. They were the first ones at my side when Owen was born. Like, literally O was birthed, Filip helped me to the floor off the toilet and Totti and Jonah never left my side. Holy shit, I'm crying again.

I got a call early Sunday morning from the North Avenue Animal Hospital. It was surreal. Partly because the girl who called me had a really thick Australian accent and it was seriously like a scene from Flight of the Conchords. I'm freaking out like, "Oh my god. Have you seen her?! Do you have her?!" And she said yes, they had her. She had been hit by a car and the driver of the car brought her in. They found my Craigslist post and called me. She was dead. Except, she said it like this: "She is did." and (seriously) I was like, "Excuse me? Did? What did she do? What did you say?" and she said, "Did. Your dog is did." Then I asked what I was supposed to do. I opted out of cremating her or picking her up. There's absolutely no way I could handle it. It's almost funny, but so fucking sad. I'm the most heartbroken I've been my whole life. She was my girl. Sure, she peed on the floor and smelled so fucking bad and grossed me out all the time, but jesus fucking christ. My dog is actually dead. I seriously cannot believe it. It hasn't actually sunk in. This shit sucks so fucking bad. I just constantly feel sick and terrible. My little girl. I always thought she was going to out-live all of us. Like, really. fuck.

Jonah is super bummed. He refused to leave her bed all day yesterday. On walks, he does his business and then sniffs where Totti had recently been and sort of goes all bloodhound like and looks for her. God, I feel awful. I really loved that dog so fucking much. I want nothing more than to clean up a puddle of pee or catch her eating doo-doo right now. I want my Tots.

r.i.p. totti.

259 days. Let me count the ways...

On Sunday, day 257, Owen turned eight months old. All three of us had an incredible weekend celebrating.

Obviously Filip had been looking forward to Saturday for quite some time. It had been decided months ago that no matter what, Owen would be geared up and right in the middle of the action for the USA vs. England World Cup match. What a fucking amazing day.






Owen thinks Tinkey rules! Head butt!


lots of naps in between!

Small bar is the best. It's where Owen knows soccer. I mean, really, it's his home away from home. Everyone there is the greatest. Saturday couldn't have been any better. The best eight month birthday eve!

Didn't really think we could top Saturday (even after ending the evening with Superdawg!), but we did. Can't even explain how much we love Milwaukee. We loved Milwaukee before Owen was born, but I was a little nervous about things we could do with Owen there and was a little worried about how he'd fare the trip and the whole day away after having such a huge day on Saturday. Why would I be worried about this? We have the most perfect, mellow baby ever. Our first stop, naturally, was Yellow Jacket. Although I've stopped in every single time we ever made it to Milwaukee, I haven't seen Jen in nearly four years. We've always managed to miss her until Sunday. Holy shit, I love this lady and have missed her so! But then at the same time, it's like it hasn't even been four years and everything was regular, and that's the greatest! It seriously felt like I just saw her last weekend or something.
So, right. We stopped in to see Jen. She hooked Owen up with so many new amazing vintage outfits. While I caught up with her, Filip and Owen headed down the street to start watching the Germany v. Australia match at The Nomad. So yeah, before I became pregnant, The Nomad was our place every time we'd visit Milwaukee. LOVE it. Sort of the same feel as a mini Map Room, except a soccer pub. Perfect place, the only downside was that is was a like sitting in an ashtray. Always super smokey in there so we figured we probably wouldn't be able to hang out there with O. I think neither of us wanted to say it, but we were both a little bummed. To our surprise, there was a marvelous back patio and bar set up with lots of seats and 2 screens for the game. Yay! Right?! We could watch outside! Perfect! I wrapped up with Jen for the time being and met up with the boys just at the beginning of the second half. If I'm prissy at all, the only time it really shows is when it comes to port-a-pottys. Can't do it. As the match wrapped up, I transferred a slumbering Owen to Filip's shoulder and headed inside the bar to use the bathroom, only to find that just before the World Cup they had closed shop for a few days and remodeled. NO SMOKING INSIDE ANYMORE! I chatted with a bartender about it and O is welcome to join us for any match at the Nomad. Dream come true. Milwaukee is perfect and everything is coming up Filip, Rachel and Owen!




a sleepy Owen. World Cup is exhausting!


guh! Sore shoulders! Super tough arms though!

After the game we met back up with Jen and decided to have a drink with a few friends, including Alaina who was celebrating her birthday! We met amazing people. Had fantastic conversations. Owen fell in love with all the ladies, like he does. When it was time to move on, we weren't ready to head home. So, we went back to Yellow Jacket and had a mini party in the shop. Seriously, my heaven, I think. Sweetest people ever, Owen was in an awesome mood, great music, Filip was even dancing, a huge, awesome dog named Floyd, who Owen loved! and All in one of my favorite places in the world, with the best company! I really miss the smell of a vintage shop.











We're excited to come back to Milwaukee all the time again. Owen loved it. Seriously, the best weekend we've had in so long. We really needed it. I'm still not recovered, so exhausted and sore, but it was so worth every last second. If our big plan for the next two years somehow doesn't work itself out, our Plan B is Milwaukee.

Owen is 8 months old. He's huge. He has three teeth, he eats everything, he's starting to say a couple simple words, he's really trying so hard to balance and get walking. Most importantly, he is a really happy baby. Content, chill, mellow, always game for everything, never fussy. We're doing everything we can to make sure he's happy and that is the easiest job I've ever had, really. He's just a happy baby and we couldn't be more thrilled. Not exactly sure what it is that's doing it, but we're just going to keep going the way we always have because it seems to be working.

Now, more World Cup! Owen will be waking up from his nap just in time for the Brazil v. North Korea game this afternoon and we've got to commentate to Filip while he's working!