37 weeks. something is happening...

why the animals always in my biz when i take these photos? this is from yesterday.

hi. seriously. so, like, right now, something is happening. something, which will probably end up being nothing, but something, nonetheless. whether it ends up being something, or nothing, i'm just going to blog through it for now, because what else am i gonna do? i mean, until something more alarming happens, like losing my mucus plug or that kinda thing...so, i just got to new wave. its late in the afternoon, 5:30 ish. i worked this morning for a bit, tried relaxing a little at home through the afternoon, wrote some letters and stuff like that, and i started getting ridiculously antsy. i intended on finishing a knitting project this afternoon but my attention span just wasn't there, i couldn't hunker down. so i decided to pack up some stuff, run to the bank, then onto the post, ending up here at new wave. between the bank and the post i started feeling this crampy pressure. nothing hurty. since then, its been coming and going in waves. but things do not feel normal in there right now. like, normal in relation to the past few weeks of what being massively pregnant normally feels like. so, im putting back a sandwich. there is a chocolate cupcake lined up next. probably shouldn't have ordered this ice coffee, but whateves...
maybe i'm just stupidly anxious and really just wanting to go into labor more than anything. but really, even if that's the case, wouldn't the mind/body connection kick-start something? dude, wouldn't it really be fucking awesome if i was starting pre-labor right now?! ha...so yeh, i mean, this week a lot of loose ends got tied up and a few things that have just been lingering finally got taken care of and as of yesterday, after my visit with Jen, my midwife, i felt really awesome about everything and totally at ease and ready. like finally, a weight had been lifted and i am totally comfortably ready as ever. so, with the sudden ease and relief of everything, it could have totally triggered a chain reaction, you know? sometimes that's all it takes...anyway, its not like this shit happens so suddenly like they make it out in the movies and on tv. so it could be anything right now. but i just started in on the chocolate cupcake and got another rush of something...

so, my appointment this week was great! with the exception that i'm closing in on 150 pounds! ack! my pregnant stomach hasn't really stretched a ton over the past week or so, its just that the baby is gaining weight and getting bigger and taking up all the space in there. no space left. there is seriously a foot that kicks my right lung, under my rib! babes moving like a champ still, but im getting more and more beat up from the inside out because its so freakin strong and running out of room. i talked to jen about future visits, and the future of my health and the baby health, she's amazing with tips on medicaid and helping me get everything i can out of it...totally comforting and awesome to know that i've finally found a person that i'm super cool with and really love and really relaxed and comfortable around to take care of me and watch out for my babe, totes relieving! i've been in chicago for 9 years now and have never had a solid doctor of any sort...i actually kind of feel like a grown-up now. if only we could get her to move to the azores with us....
so, remember a long time ago when i volunteered to do some informational stuff for that syndicate health network crap?...the first portion has finally been completed! heh. i for sure make an appearance in the second video, and i think the 4th or 5th video, i dunno...i think we make a couple appearances throughout all of them. its totally corny and all, and i've been like "ehhh, so what...." up until i watched the part where we heard the heartbeat for the first time. i cried again. im such a softy. anyway, i guess there are a few more series on other topics that will be released later as well, that will feature more of me and filip. so when i find out about that i'll post again, i'm sure. this may or may not come off the way i'm intending it to, but im gonna say it anyway, because its funny and overall, especially lately, i don't have much of an opinion of myself either way, positive or negative. not like i have low self esteem or anything, there has just been waaaaaay too much happening lately to have any concern about myself or my appearances or clothes or anything, all my focus has been on baby, you know? so when we were watching these, i started cracking up at the part where i'm like "i really like beer!" and then i was like "woah, thats me?! im really cute!" and again, totally not a conceited, self-absorbed kinda thing, its more like, i have totally forgotten who i am or anything about myself lately, that it was totally shocking and actually kinda nice to see things from another view, even if just for a second, and even though i was still super fuckin skinny when they filmed this. heh. ok, feel free to make plenty of fun of the both of us, with no further a do, here's the link:
http://www.answerstv.com/AnswersTV/Channel.aspx?ChannelID=7005fa6d-6b27-4d29-94bb-cb3db599ea03&StartPoint=Folder4727&PlayItem=16587&AP=true

ok...im feeling alright for now...still hanging in there...goddamn, i want to be in labor, i really want this to be it....

another exciting/relieving aspect of this week is that we finally got confirmation that our dwell crib and changing table are no longer on back order and have been shipped!!!! fuck yeh!!! i know it'll be a bit before we need the crib....and we could make do without the changing table but im just excited about organizing and having everything in order and actually fucking 'nesting.' i've gone 8 and a half months and the only nesting ive managed was to paint the baby room and get the mural up. so yeh! yay!

during in-between or waiting times lately i've found myself incessantly searching for all my most favorite classic sesame street segments. youtube is amazing for this shit, i'm so freaking excited and thankful! i mean, its not like im going to restrict my kid from watching yo gabba gabba every once in a while, if it wants to, but this shit is amazing...i swear, i would be a totally different person if it weren't for this stuff. and i still love watching it so we'll all be into the same stuff and having an awesome time with it and all the songs, you know?! my brother posted the pinball cartoon featuring the Pointer Sisters to my facebook page the other day and i've been singing it ever since...12345 678910 11 12...and part of me thinks that maybe it was a totally subconscious decision to move to a city with subways because of sesame street.



ok...so..im feeling a little more back to normal. my shit keeps braxton-hicks-ing more and more lately, and super intense style. maybe just early early early alarm or something. i was just telling jen (hellige) that if i were to go into labor and have the kid tomorrow, we could still make it to the renegade craft fair this weekend! heh.

so right. all loose ends wrapping up. seriously, the only things left are things that can be alleviated in an hour long errand running spree, we need to get the car-seat, gotta get a sling, and settle on a solid cloth-diapering system. we decided to hold off on the diaper service and see how we could manage cloth diapers on our own at first. if its overwhelming we can always get started on the diaper service, but im stoked about either fuzzibunz or bumGenius and in the meantime, if this babe comes before we get a stash of them, we've got a handful of gDiapers and old school gerber birdseye cloth diapers to tie us over for a couple days. the other day, jen brought my attention to the adiri bottles and i got so stoked and excited about them, especially after learning that target carries them, that i ran out the next day and got a pair of newborn bottles! i'm really really excited about them. hopefully, the babe takes well to them. im looking forward to seeing how they work out.

huh. i feel like i had other things i wanted to discuss in this update, but i'm so scatterbrained lately. oh well. hopefully, i wont be updating for a very long time because i will have a baby very very soon...wish me luck.